clean this time (jokes pt. II)

[Daniel Wood]

Originally Posted by Porcupine

My results of farting hard are other issues How to clear a room in 42 seconds...FLAT

I heard it was 10 seconds flat and that's when you were at the cruise. I believe duffy mentioned that are maybe it was Stormy.

[Porcupine]

Originally Posted by Daniel Wood

I heard it was 10 seconds flat and that's when you were at the cruise. I believe duffy mentioned that are maybe it was Stormy.

Duffy's original name was "Fluffy" and we won't explain Stormy's name. As for Vetteonr....

[vetteonr]

Hey, leave me out of this. I think all this happened when I was out cruising.

[Stormy]

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?"
The girl said "No" and she lived happily ever after and went shopping, drank margaritas and wine with friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had a closet full of shoes and handbags, stayed skinny, and was never farted on.

The End

[danny]

Originally Posted by Stormy

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?"
The girl said "No" and she lived unhappily ever after and went shopping, drank margaritas and wine with friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had a closet full of shoes and handbags, stayed skinny, and was never farted on.

The End

don't you wish-lol-

[olddog]

Originally Posted by Stormy

Once upon a time, ................... and was never farted on.

I thought she asked for $5.00 worth of gas, the other day????

PS. See post 2067 by Stormy.

[Daniel Wood]

Originally Posted by Stormy

and was never farted on.

Now you know women love to be farted on.

[carsandcycles]

I assumed:

A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard.
Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him.

He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could
have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in
frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection,
dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked
up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered
her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police
station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed
in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the
cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk
where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind
your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front
of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would
Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' License plate holder, the
'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper Sticker, And the chrome-plated
Christian fish emblem on the trunk, Naturally...I assumed you had stolen
the car."

[Porcupine]

Some one had lots of time on his hands...

http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/34244097/

[vetteonr]

That was very cool.

[Daniel Wood]

Now that was sharp! What kind of software would you need to do that?

[Stormy]

That was really cool........I was starting to get mad at the mouse myself there and cheering the little guy on LOL.

[Wheel]

A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, goes to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?"
The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50, and he says good-bye.

The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.
This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, they have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.

Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?"

The old man says, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139.
We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare."

[Daniel Wood]

A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since his family lives on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores.

"Not yet," said the little boy. His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.

Well, he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs and he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.

"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk.

" Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.

The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile and says "Are you going to tell him, or should I? "

[Daniel Wood]

DEEP THOUGHTS BY MEN WHILE FISHING

Two men are out ice fishing at their favourite fishing hole, just fishing quietly and drinking beer.

Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Bob says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife she hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months."

Earl continues slowly sipping his beer, then thoughtfully says, "You better think it over women like that are hard to find."