clean this time (jokes pt. II)

[danny]

Originally posted by vetteonr
Remind me not to go to any backyard cookouts you might have. LOL

why?? i don't pee in the grill and the bushes are a lovely shade of green-lol-

[vetteonr]

If you didn't kill the bushes your not drinking enough beer.

[danny]

if the bushes die then i think your liver is non-functional-lol

[Daniel Wood]

This isn't a joke, but I thought you might enjoy it. I hope it doesn't get deleted, there is a word there that might not be acceptable.

I received this in a e-mail, true or false, I'll let you be the judge.

Strange but True! Believe It or Not! This will enhance your knowledge and image of intelligence even if the story stinks!

P.S. S.H.I.T should be handled with care at all times!
Subject: A "Bet You Didn't Know That" Fact

Ever wonder where the word "s.h.i.t" comes from..... well here it is.

Certain types of manure used to be transported (as everything was back then) by ship.......well in dry form it weighs a lot less, but once water (at sea) hit's it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, which by product is methane gas.....and as the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen, methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern.. BOOM!

Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was discovered what was happening. After that the bundles of manure where always stamped with the term "S.H.I.T" on them which meant to the sailors to

"Ship High In Transit".

In other words high enough off the lower decks
so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this
volatile cargo and start the production of methane.

[thecarguy]

A man pulls up along side a little girl walking down the street, rolls the passenger window down and says "if you get in the truck I will give you a sucker".....she ignores him and keeps on walking.

He follows her slowly, pulls up along side her again and says "if you get in the truck I will give you 2 suckers", she ignores him and keeps on walking.

He follows her slowly for two blocks, stops at the corner and says..."if you get in the truck you can have a whole bag of suckers". She stops, looks into the passenger window and says firmly "dad, you bought the ford but you can't force me to ride in it"

[KA9MOT]

Jokes are supposed to be funny.

[danny]

Originally posted by Beefy's Bronco
Jokes are supposed to be funny.

it was lol

[Daniel Wood]

Sorry Beefy, I'm trying real hard not to laugh.

I can't help it, I just have too LOL.

[vetteonr]

That was hilarious. It's ok beefy, when you tell it, you can say it was a chevy.

[Daniel Wood]

Yea, you could vetteonr, but I just don't think it would sound funny. You know those Chevy's are to deg gum dependable.LOL

[thecarguy]

Why are the new fords made so aerodynamic?

So the Chevy towtruck doesn't waste gas when it has to tow it.

[Daniel Wood]

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately,the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink,he found his horse had been stolen.

He goes back into the bar,handily flips his gun in the air,catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. " WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HORSE? " he yelled with surprising forcefulness no one answered.

" All right, I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHER DRINK, AND IF MY HORSE AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINNISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS! AND MAKE NO MISTAKE, I DON'T LIKE DOING WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS!

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another drink, walked outside,and sure enough his horse was back. He saddled up and started to ride out.

The bartender came out and said "Say partner, before you go.... what happened in Texas?"

The cowboy turned back and said "I had to walk home."

[KA9MOT]

You Know You're a Ham if :

- You buy electrical black tape in ten packs.

- You've stripped wire with your teeth.

- You've told your son that, "One day, all this will be yours", and he doesn't respond.

- You'd rather help a buddy put up a new tower than mow the lawn.

- You've grabbed the wrong end of a soldering iron.

- You start giving out RST reports when you are on the telephone.

- The propagation forecast means far more to you than the local weather forecast.

- The microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush up to the front to fix it.

- You tell the XYL, when she notices a new rig in the shack, why that has been there for years.

- Your watch is set only to UTC.

- At night, when you pray, it starts off something like: CQ CQ CQ GOD DE (your callsign).

- You ever had to patch your roof after an antenna project.

- Ham radio magazines comprise more than 50% of your bathroom library.

- You ever put a GPS tracker in the XYL's car, just so you could watch her on APRS.

- You and the XYL took a cruise so you could visit the radio room.

- You ever tapped out HI in Morse on your car horn to another ham.

- You ever had an antenna fall down.

- Your teenager refuses to ride in your car because it looks like a porcupine.

- You know the Latitude and Longitude of your home QTH.

- You go into the local Radio Shack store and the clerk asks you where something is.

[Daniel Wood]

A blonde tried to sell her old car, but she was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250, 000 miles on it.

One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."

"That doesn't matter, " replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car."

"Okay, " said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50, 000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"

"No, " replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50, 000 miles on it."

[Daniel Wood]

I receive this in a e-mail, I had to change some of the words so that the police patrol would let it print out.

A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Vegas. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, " I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich!!! "

The Madam is astonished. " But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal." The trucker replies, " Listen sweetheart, I don't want to get frisky, I'm just homesick."