US vs Them (Article in Car Craft Magazine)

[KA9MOT]

(I copied and pasted this from: Big Blue Oval.com , because I liked it and thought you would enjoy it as well)



I dont mean any offense to anyone here who has a import....this is about the poseur "rice boys" anyways....I found it quite funny being the Big Cubic Inch American Car loving guy I am....

"So you're sitting at a red light minding your own business, fiddling with the radio, when you're blinded from behind by bright blue headlights. The buzzing, chainsaw-like racket gets louder as it approaches and takes the lane next to yours. You glance over to what's become an increasingly familiar sight - a ragged-looking import with primered ground effects, 18 inch red-anodized wheels, and umpteen gauges tacked to a dashboard that's awash in blue neon. Sure enough, the backwards-visor-wearing punk at the helm of this disaster throws a few revs making you regret having acknowledged his presence in the first place. The light turns green, and you're in no mood to race, so you gently pedal out your street machine, just under half throttle, which is more than enough to stay ahead of the 8,000-rpm bang-shifting madman next to you. A few seconds of this has you halfway deaf from this guy's buzz-bomb, so you drop the hammer and watch his blue lights fade into the night. You settle back down to the speed limit, and ten seconds later, you're treated to a 100-mph flyby smiling because you're sure he's already on the phone telling his friends how he dusted your big-block Chevelle.

And it goes on to say that they don't hate real enthusiasts and RX7's and Supras are cool and stuff, it's just the actual ricers they hate. Here are some awesome quotes that you guys will get a kick out of.

US: keeping a low profile and letting the et's tell the story
THEM: Hoping the outrageous body kit will distract anyone from discussing et's

US: Sideways into third gear
THEM: Sideways to avoid high-centering on a speed bump

US: Tall spindle conversion for better camber gain and tire wear
THEM: Lowering 3 inches and ruining tires with 4-degrees of negative camber

US: 600 HP on 92-octane pump gas
THEM: 300 HP on $3-a-gallon 100-octane race gas

US: Swapping stock 14 inch wheels for 17s to clear trick brakes and suspension
THEM: Swapping stock 14 inch wheels for 20's despite stock brakes and suspension

US: Boost gauge on a blown car, nitrous gauge on a squeezed car
THEM: Both gauges on a normally aspirated car

US: 500 lb-ft of torque at 3500 rpm
THEM: 50 lb-ft of torque at 35,000 rpm

US: Headers and 3-inch exhaust
THEM: Stock pea-shooter exhaust pipe with 5-inch tip

US: 600 HP makes for an earth-shaking street car
THEM: 600 watts per channel makes for an ear-shattering street car

US: Buying an aftermarket shifter for shorter throws
THEM: Buying an aftermarket shifter for the lighted knob

US: Composite parts for light weight and aerodynamics
THEM: Composite-veneer dash trim and gauges

US: Upgrading to a 9-inch cuz you keep breaking stock rears
THEM: Realizing that your built motor will keep breaking half-shafts forever

US: Functional air ducts to cool the big-block
THEM: Six different cosmetic air dams in random locations

US: Polishing tail-light lenses to bring out the red color
THEM: Installing clear tail-lights to bait cops

US: Cruising and burnout contests at car shows
THEM: Disco-dancing and stereo competitions at car shows

US: Old-Tech pushrod chevy LS6 pushing 405 HP
THEM: State-of-the-art, dual overhead cam Honda VTEC pushing 180 HP

US: Race-class lettering on the rear window
THEM: Japanese "Honda" lettering on the rear window of a Nissan

US: Tach mounted on the dash in the drivers line of sight
THEM: Bobbing-head doll mounted on the dash in the drivers line of sight

US: Nitrous oxide
THEM: "Noss"

US: Installing a 12-point cage after breaking into the 11's
THEM: Installing a 12-point cage for more places to mount gauges

US: Feeling the car shake form a lumpy cam
THEM: Feeling the car shake from booming base

US: Doing a short burnout to warm the tires before a pass
THEM: Weaving from side to side cuz nascar racers do it

US: Comfy stock buckets on a 9-second street car
THEM: back-breaking fiberglass racing buckets on a 17-second street car

US: Spending $2000 to get a new Z28 into the 11's
THEM: Spending $12,000 to get a Civic into the 12's

US: Showing off a 500 HP dyno sheet
THEM: Boasting that thier 150 HP mill makes more HP/liter

US: Installing subframe connectors to stiffen the chassis
THEM: Connecting the subframes with neon lights

US: Throttle steer
THEM: Torque steer

US: Leaving on the third amber light at the strip
THEM: Blowing through red lights on the street

US: Annoying blind spot caused by the cowl-induction hood
THEM: Annoying blind spot caused by the limo-tinted windows and triple deck rear wing

Take it for what it is, just something to be laughed at.

later,
Dustin
_________________
Yep.....its rusty.

Big Cubes, Big Carbs, and Big Cars....The American Way....

[duffy]

Oh, yes, it's true, it's true... Pool shooting friend of mine has a ehhhh roughly early 90's Honda Civic DX... CX... EX... [whatever the heck it is]... while he was working on my car [on the alignment rack], I said to him.. "Hey, Andrew, it looks like you've got more money into your wheels than the car is worth"... His reply... "Lots more"... My guess is that the "car" is disposable, while the wheels can be removed and used on another disposable car.

[Trader Ray]

I too can relate to this story, I was out the other day in my V8 Ford and a ricer pulled up next to me racing his engine, well I am in a kind of new area for me so I look up and realize my lane ends in about 3/4 of a block so when the light changes, I take off not really much faster than I would normally and he is on it, already into 3rd before I get across the intersection, so I ran my first gear out with just a little more throttle and used my signal and got in front of him.
Like you said, he was behind me at the next light racing the engine again and again. I was still excited. The old interceptor took him out.

[Porcupine]

Keep 'em coming. I love these stories about REAL cars, instead of the wannabe's.

The nervous tension arsies as the Ford Aerostar pulls up to a light. Moments later a Hugo pulls up beside.

The V6 Aerostar with its brillaint whitewalls, gleaming wax finish and the obvious Ford logo awaits.The driver flicks on his heater blower because it sounds like it's doing something.

The Hugo, rusted with a 4 speed standard and a 4cylinder (is that a cam? or is it running on 3 cylinders?)
The Hugo driver dawns his leather type flying head gear
The Aerostar driver reverses his baseball cap to reduce drag.
The tension mounts.


.
.
.
.
.
. to be continued

[vetteonr]

I can hardly wait.....

[duffy]

Originally Posted by vetteonr

I can hardly wait.....

Well, join the club.... that story should be a good one, but I think I already know the ending.... Aero-drag-star wins by a nose...

[Gearhead52]

Sitting at a light with two lanes one way in the SS.....A ricer racer pulls up beside and revs the fart tip up a couple of times. My girlfriend says "ya gonna do sumpthin" ? Answer....not yet but watch.

Light turns and I hear a 5,000 rpm clutch dump and a small bark of his tires. I take off like I would normally. Girlfriend looks at me like, what was that ?

They ricer racer is ahead of me until the next light. I pull up next to him and I give the thumbs up.....So I guess it's my turn. I reach over to my girlfrind that is holding a soda can and turn the can in her hand so the opening is toward the front of the car, she starts to grin.

Light turns green, no cops, I let the clutch out and roll out in first gear like nothings gonna happen. Halfway accross the intersection I let it out, without dumping the clutch, and put two black marks accross the intersection. Raw horsepower breaking the rear wheels loose.

Ricer racer makes U-turn.......

[Porcupine]

Further down the street is a guy riding his Craftsman riding lawnmower, he sees the action and wants a part it. The Aerostar and the Hugo is starting be a little concerned. Never have they had such stiff competition before.

Off into the distance can be heard a STIHL chain saw rumbling as its two stroke breathes fire. Uncertain expectation lay ahead...what next...

[Stormy]

Originally Posted by Porcupine

Further down the street is a guy riding his Craftsman riding lawnmower, he sees the action and wants a part it. The Aerostar and the Hugo is starting be a little concerned. Never have they had such stiff competition before.

Off into the distance can be heard a STIHL chain saw rumbling as its two stroke breathes fire. Uncertain expectation lay ahead...what next...

Hurry Porkie..........I am on the edge of my seat with anticipation of what happens next!!!! LOL

[danny]

hey, this isn't the one where the old man with a walker beats everyone across the intersection is it?

[Porcupine]

Originally Posted by danny

hey, this isn't the one where the old man with a walker beats everyone across the intersection is it?

I believe that guys was spotted rotating the rubber end caps on his walker. Talk was he was warming up for something.

NOTE: I feel bad that I hi jacked Beefy's original post. His stuff was really good. But Beefy triggered some fun. It's all Beefy's fault

[Daniel Wood]

Originally Posted by Gearhead52

I pull up next to him and I give the thumbs up.....So I guess it's my turn. I reach over to my girlfrind that is holding a soda can and turn the can in her hand so the opening is toward the front of the car, she starts to grin.

Light turns green, no cops, I let the clutch out and roll out in first gear like nothings gonna happen. Halfway accross the intersection I let it out, without dumping the clutch, and put two black marks accross the intersection. Raw horsepower breaking the rear wheels loose.

Ricer racer makes U-turn.......

Would have loved to have seen that! Like Porcupine said, keep the stories coming.

[TNcarguy]

I was talking to a salesman at a (nameless) dealership the other day. He said one of the guys that worked there bought a $700 Honda Civic wagon and put $5000 in it (front air dam, Mustang rear bumper cover, all different colors, engine mods, etc. etc. etc.).

Then the salesman said "And you know what? He's still got a $700 Honda". I just laughed and agreed with him.

[Porcupine]

That Honda now becomes a threat in the new Amazing race. Those air dams really look good and I think they work.

The ricer burner versus the vodka burner have their own grudge. It's now between the Error Star and the snowblower (fully eupipped with out riggers)
That chain saw is burns well aged fuel, like a fine ******. it said no and please don't Sta Bil, you must go.

[duffy]

Originally Posted by Porcupine

The ricer burner versus the vodka burner have their own grudge. It's now between the Error Star and the snowblower (fully eupipped with out riggers)
That chain saw is burns well aged fuel, like a fine ******. it said no and please don't Sta Bil, you must go.

Just one word..... HUHHH??????